By Dr Charles Leyman Kachitsa
Anything that people are doing as individual, you have to do it with full consciousness and putting all energy, unless it is very unpleasant and or you are being forced to do it. If it is unpleasant, you must stop it if you can before it ruins other things along your path. If you are being forced to do it, then it may depend on the circumstances.
Where you are being forced but have some control over the situation, then aim to gain back control by careful planning. In situations where one has no control over the situation, then the only thing you could do is to pray for divine intervention, as there is no circumstance that is beyond the creator. With prayer nothing is impossible.
When doing things humans engage two things in most cases. The physical body which helps carry out the act and the mind where the act is thought through before the implementation by the physical. The acting using the physical body include words spoken and any non verbal form of communication done without necessarily uttering any words. In all cases what is important is nurturing and keeping clean the engine room where thoughts are crafted, the mind. With a positive mind nothing is impossible.
The quotes this week are an extraction from a book which when read in full helps in development of an understanding the management and nurturing of intimate relationships including marriage. I am sure that the few selected quotations listed below from this book will enlighten you to one or two life lessons. Read and reflect:
DIVERGENT THEORY OF INTIMATE RELATIONSHIPS by Dr Jesse Omoregie
“When two people are in a newly formed relationship their feelings may be incomprehensible and difficult to narrate. They tend to only see the good aspects of each other, while the other aspects that signal warning signs are not so salient. This is because perception is selective. Psychology explains this as ‘selective perception’ which refers to the process where individuals perceive what they want to perceive or feel while disregarding opposing perspectives. In such relationship, the couple also tend to spend time together, engage in intimate communication and activities.”
“Regardless of the differences of background, outlook, personality, or culture, when people believe they are in love, or they want to take their relation a step further, in most case or in healthy cases, the two parties would usually modify their personality, volitions, outlooks, perspectives, and behaviours to reach a common ground that they both believe may be beneficial to them henceforth. This is what I have termed ‘The point of unison’. It is the point where both individuals form shared beliefs, outlooks, what behaviour is acceptable or no, relationship culture and norms……. This is not to say that there are no cases where one person makes such adjustments to be in alignment with the other person, nor cases where such adjustments are made in pretense by one or both individual for reasons known to them.”
“It is evident that Biblical view of intimate relationship also include the derivation of happiness and intense pleasure reminiscent of the views of contemporary psychologists, researchers, and practitioners such as councillors. In the book of Ecclesiastes 9:9, the writer encourages husband and wife to enjoy themselves and love each other all through their lives. The Bible also encourages a man to cherish his wife as she is far more precious than jewels (Proverbs 31:10).”
“Couples are not always aware when divergence begins to ravage their relationships as it begins in a subtle manner. At the beginning of divergence, the slight changes may be too small and insignificant that they tend to be negligible. However, as divergence becomes bigger, behaviours, views, and lifestyles that were once negligible becomes salient and frustrating to one or both individuals in the relationship. Once divergence reaches its climax, individuals in a relationship begin to experience the feelings of bitterness, anger, disappointment, frustration, stress and burnout, anxiety, and sometimes regret. Such experiences have been shown in several research to be associated with aggressive behaviours as well as the development of physical and mental health problems.”
